Hey there, you hoopy froods! I hope you all know where your towels are, because today is Towel Day! Usually, at this point, I would say something like, “What is Towel Day, I hear you asking?” but not this time. If you know what Towel Day is, or you recognize the multiple references contained herein and are able to extrapolate the meaning of Towel Day from those references, then you truly are a hoopy frood who knows where his or her towel is. If you are not, the two links above will enlighten you. Belgium, I don’t know what you zarking people expect from me, honestly. Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and you’ve got me explaining Towel Day. How very depressing.
-[insert DON'T PANIC! here]