A few weeks ago, Lindsey and I rented Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe for our Xbox 360.  We generally like the vs. series of games (Marvel vs. Capcom, Capcom vs. SNK, etc), so we had high hopes.

We were severely disappointed.

The problem with Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe does not lie with the graphics.  there are some characters that do not look quite right, but overall, the graphics are very nice.  The problem comes from the gameplay, the story, the overwhelming introduction of a plethora of new powers and abilities, and the seeming laziness with which the game was programmed.

Gameplay first.  The gameplay is very uninteractive.  In Mortal Kombat: Deception, the Konquest mode allowed you to navigate the world en route to your next Mortal Kombat as a part of the story.  In MKvDCU, you are treated to a cutscene followed by Mortal Kombat…followed by a cutscene followed by Mortal Kombat followed by a cutscene followed by Mortal Kombat followed by what the fuck is wrong with Midway.

The story is another point that sticks in my craw.  Yeah.  I’m so miffed that I’m resorting to using a ridiculous idiom to express my displeasure.  The story, as I was saying, is awful.  There is no real introduction to why people are fighting, or what’s going on.  Dialogue is sparse.  New interactions usually consist of one or two sentences, followed by “FIGHT!”, followed by Mortal Kombat, followed by one or two sentences, followed by “FIGHT!”, followed by goddammit, I’m doing it again.  The story eventually unfolds to reveal that because of the actions of Superman defeating Darkseid, and Raiden defeating Shao Kahn, the two have fused into Dark Kahn (Lindsey and I prefer Shao Side).  As a result of this, the two universes are merging, causing havoc with shit that I really don’t care about.

Many of the characters come jam-packed with a ridiculous number of new abilities and powers.  Some of these powers and abilities are stolen from other characters.  Wonder Woman has moves from Sonya Blade.  Scorpion can apparently create a levitating duplicate of himself before teleporting, etc.  I miss the original Mortal Kombat games when characters had distinct powers and abilities, and they stuck with what the knew.

Laziness!  After a defeat, each character has their own little move to get back to their feet before the next round of fighting commences.  I’m sorry, did I say each character had their own move?  Actually, only two or three moves were programmed into the entire game, and the characters just share.  Green Lantern, Sonya Blade, and Wonder Woman all share the same stand-up between fights.  There are other laziness issues that I can’t remember, given the time gap.

As you can see from the pictures, the graphics are not awful.  Some of the character representations are very good, actually.  On the other hand, some don’t really look like who they are supposed to be, but I guess you can’t expect complete perfection.

For some reason, MKvDCU has been selling ridiculously well, which boggles my mind.  The game was awful.  Save your money and buy Tatsunoko vs. Capcom for the Wii.

-[insert revolutionary thinking here]

17 years ago, the world was given Mortal Kombat; a video game that was partially responsible for the creation of the ESRB due to high levels of violence, blood, and gore.  Needless to say, it was a hit.  However, no game is perfect for its entire target audience, not even Mortal Kombat.  The question remains; how can the remaining target demographic be captured by the series?  It’s all a matter of niche customization.  The first step in Mortal Kombat’s complete demographic domination is here; philosphy and psychology nerds, get ready to have your socks rocked (assuming your socks exist in the shared perspective universe we inhabit and are not aspects of your own multiple perspective fractal universe).  We give you….MORAL KOMBAT!

This holiday season, be prepared to kick some metaphysical ass!

Lindsey and I were chatting on AIM, when she accidentally said “moral kombat” instead of “mortal kombat”.  Lindsey picked up on her mistake, and I started suggesting matchups like Freud vs. Nietzsche, etc.  We moved the conversation to Twitter, and it occurred to me to make a blog post about it.  I mentioned it to Lindsey who suggested I find pictures of philosophers and put together a character selection screen.  I picked out some philosophers, psychologists, and thinkers and put together what you see above.  And so, Moral Kombat was born!

-Because I said so

Fine Print Legalese Mumbo Jumbo:

Moral Kombat is the sole intellectual property of the World of Meh creators, Chris and Lindsey.  Any proceeds from this concept must first be approved by Chris and Lindsey and appropriate compensation agreed upon.  If you want to make a real Moral Kombat game, we want lots and lots of MONEY.

Late last year, Lindsey and I came across an amazing video on YouTube showing Shao Kahn’s creepy perverted side near the end of a match between Sub-Zero and Liu Kang.  Poor Subby Wubby.  He shouldn’t have to put up with that kind of harassment.

-Because I said so