Then you’d better go catch it!

Our refrigerator sucks as much as that joke.  Our apartment came with a refrigerator.  We considered this a good thing.  However, even at level 5 out of 9 possible temperature levels, it still freezes yogurt, salad, and juice.  Things which are NOT LOCATED IN THE FREEZER.  A simple solution, you might say, is to keep turning it down until it stops freezing things.  The problem is that this refrigerator has no concept of a “happy medium”, or “ideal temperature”.  It will either freeze half of our food items, or keep them at a temperature that is borderline unsafe.

I hate our refrigerator.

-Because I said so

So about a week ago I got my W2 in from my former job and got giddy. In all of my years filing taxes I have always gotten a return. A very nice return if I say so, but a lot of it comes from Earned Income Credit and the Child Tax Credit from my daughter. Anyways I was told that because now I own my own business, it would help if I were to go to a CPA because they could help me get the best return possible. I called a recommended local guy earlier last week and he was telling me all of this stuff to get and how I should total everything up before I got there so that him and I don’t have to go through paperwork. Now while this might seem like a smart idea to some it doesn’t sit too well with me. If I am doing all of this work on my own then why don’t I just do the taxes my own damn self? Isn’t that what we pay them for?

Since Chris and I will be using our returns on putting deposits down with wedding vendors I asked the guy how long it would take for everything to be processed etc. I was informed that we don’t actually go through the paper work during our meeting and that he gives the information off to some other dude in the office and that it takes about a week to then go and file. After that it would be an additional 8 to 15 days for me to get my direct deposit tax return. I am an impatient person and I want my money ASAP. I then asked what his fees were and I was told that it would be 300 and that it couldn’t be taken out of my return so it had to be upfront.

300 buck up front! Sheesh!

When I was at my meeting last Wednesday my Director, Lori, told me that since I started so late in the year that going to H&R would be fine for me because of how little paperwork I have accumulated so far. Cool! H&R……

I’ve had my taxes done by them for awhile now and I even did them by myself last year online (I tried that this year and knew that if I did try with all the extra stuff that I would have screwed up and probably have been audited. No bueno.)

So yesterday I tell Chris that we should probably go to file my taxes today and he says OK. I start getting my papers together and start adding stuff up. Once I was done with that it was already about 11:30 in the morning. I looked on Google Maps the closest location and gave it a call. I was told that the earliest appointment could be at 2 but I asked if I could come in earlier since we had a lot of errands to run that day. I wasn’t fibbing about that either. We did have a lot to do.

Ok.. 1 o clock appointment with some lady whose name I can’t even begin to spell. We got there at 12:30 and I went in checking to see if maybe I could be seen early. I was told that the lady was scheduled to start her shift at 1 o clock so Chris and I went across the street and got some drinks at Starbucks, went and filled up his tank with gas, and after all of that it was around 12:50. I go back inside thinking that maybe this person is normal and gets to their shifts early, but alas I was wrong.

1 o clock came around and nobody was to be found. Instead Chris and I got the chance to sit on some rather uncomfortable chairs for a long time. After awhile I asked Chris what time it was and he let me know that it was about 15 after 1. 15 minutes late to their own job and 15 minutes late for my appointment. Seriously. At 1:20 I see some grotesquely dressed woman come through the front door. I turned to Chris and said “Watch that be her.”

10 minutes later we were at 1:30 and I finally had it. I went up to the front desk thingy and asked this lady how much longer it would be. She went back to check and told me that she was almost ready for me. No… she wasn’t. She had her pink thingy wrapped around her, was holding her purse in her hand, and was jibber jabbering with another girl that worked there.

I then told the lady that I was going to leave. Since the people there work on a commission of some sort she asked if I was sure since she was ready. I didn’t want to be rude but I was getting cranky and I really hate waiting. I was about as nice as I could be and I said: “I know this isn’t your fault, but I don’t feel confident having my taxes done by somebody who can’t show up on time to their own shift.” She understood and went to check and see if there was somebody else who could see me.

When she came back out she was accompanied with an elderly man who was really nice. Poor guy was eating lunch and I told him not to worry about it. I love food and won’t dare interupt somebody enjoying their tasty spoils. He said that he had availability at 3 o clock but it was too late for me. I wanted my stuff done already! He then asked about next weekend but I told him that we need the returns ASAP for wedding purposes. The front desk lady checked some of the other H&R Block locations in the area and told me that if I was to go to one right up the street that I could be seen right away.

Right away…..

We drive there and I saw only 4 work stations. 2 were occupied and the other 2 lacked an employee. A lady who was with clients came up and asked if I needed anything and I told her that I needed my taxes to be done. She informed me that she had just started with a couple and would see how far along the other person was. She came back to me only to say that he or she too had just started so it would be about an hour or so to wait.

To wait….

My patience at this point is already shot. It was after 2 and I should have had my taxes filed at this point. I then called ANOTHER location and this is how it started….

I was at first told that the soonest appointment could be at 5 but then was told that if I had all of my paperwork ready that I could be seen right away depending on how long it would take for me to get there. Chris and I were already on the road so we turned around with the quickness because I was on a mission at this point.

After we got to the location off of Herndon and Fowler everything was fantastic. I didn’t have to wait, the guy was nice… hell, everybody was nice. They even found ways to make my costs to them cheaper. They saved me money and found ways to get me a bigger return!

The main lady that was working there, not too sure if she was a manager or not, asked me about what had happened so I told her everything and she let me know that she would be talking with the manager of that location about what had happened and would make sure that the “Oh I’m so late” lady would be taken care of. I know that made it sound like the Mafia would be called on her, but I highly doubt she is going to wake up tomorrow with a horses head in her bed. At most she will have some disciplinary action taken against her.

My return came to $3,900 and I was pleased as punch.

Now I get to do this all over again next year! YAY!

- She Who Has The Last Word

So last night after the MehCast, Chris and I were hungry however we didn’t feel like cooking. After a long debate over random fast food places in the area I decided that I really wanted chicken. The closest place to us was El Pollo Loco.

I’ve been there before and have liked what I’ve had so far which made it an easy choice for me. I was craving flan and knew that I wanted a nice, juicy chicken breast. Maybe a leg too. Chris made a remark about how it would be so hilarious if they were closed. Me, being hungry, didn’t find it too amusing. After that, our evening hit a low note.

We went into the drive thru and Chris asked what I wanted. I told him to check to see if instead of a breast and wing, if I could have a breast and a leg. I also wanted my sides to be the refried beans and macaroni and cheese. Obviously I wanted the flan too. It’s so good!

At this point I am really into what I am about to have for dinner. One would even go so far to say that I was excited. Knowing my luck, I really shouldn’t get excited about anything nor should I look forward to anything because things tend to go sour.

Chris tells the lady behind the squawk box that I would like to know about the chicken boobage and leg combo. I then hear a sentence I thought I would never hear:

“Sir, we are out of chicken.”

Chris replies with, “What?”

“Yes, we are out of chicken for the evening.”

Chris: “For everything?”

“No sir, we have chicken for burritos, tacos and salads but not the roasted chicken.”

NO CHICKEN! THE PLACE ONLY SERVES CHICKEN! How in the hell can they call themselves “the crazy chicken” when they lack the product that they advertise!?!?!?!?!?

Being incredibly disappointed, I tell Chris that I no longer want anything there and we left, hanging our heads low.

For those of you wondering what we did end up having, we went to Farmers Boy’s Burgers that was in the same shopping center. Chris really enjoyed his burger mainly because the bacon was so crispy but my sandwich had way too much mayo so it was just meh.

Damn El Pollo Loco fucked my world up. Bastards.

- She Who Has The Last Word

If you watched Episode 3 of the MehCast, you will have heard this story already. If not here it is in all its glory.

Last week, while waiting for Lindsey during one of her Mary Kay appointments, I decided to put some gas in my car.  I walked into a Valero station to pick up some candy while the car was filling up, and as I approached the counter, the Indian man (younger, leaner guy, not much of a beard to speak of) looks up and greets me.  As he starts ringing up my purchase, he looks at my beard and says, “Hey, man, that is a great beard!”

Sorry, what?

Again, “That is a really nice beard!”

Pardon?

“A lovely beard, really.”

Why, thank you.

-Because I said so

On last Friday’s MehCast, I mentioned Joaquin Phoenix’s new career choice. Towards the end of last year he retired from acting, that he is amazing at, and was rumored to start a music career. Some thought it made sense since he did a great job portraying Johnny Cash in “Walk The Line.” It wouldn’t be the first time that an actor has dipped into music… and like any bad informercial – “But wait!!! There’s more!!!”

I recently came across this article on E Online! that gave details on Joaquins musical style – rap. Yes – rap. I wish I was a liar right now but I speak the truth.

Casey Affleck, Ben’s younger and more talented brother, is getting behind the camera to film a documentary on dear ol’ Joaquin and his musical journey. It will go through his recording process, since he plans on releasing a CD, and other stuff. What makes this even better is that he is using the over-hyped Diddy as his mentor and producer.

Want more?

Oh yes my friends… I do believe that the Youtube gods have smiled on us. They have provided us with a wonderful video of a recent performance in Las Vegas. I personally thing Mr. Phoenix has snapped or is on a WICKED combination of drugs. I think he needs professional help immediately before we lose another skilled actor.

I will admit that I did laugh while watching this video because he does look ridiculous (and very well could bring in a Unabomber beard trend), but you can tell there is something sincerely wrong with him. It’s sad, and even though he is serious with his new venture, I hope this is all one huge joke.

ENJOY!!

- She Who Has The Last Word

I am a man.

By this, not only do I mean to say that I am a man in the genetic, physical sense, but in the socially accepted sense as well.  I like cars.  I like women.  I like barbecue.  I like gadgets.  I like video games.  The list goes on, but I think you get the point.  With all this in mind, allow me to tell you a tale.

A month or so ago, Lindsey and I were out and about town, when we went into a Bank of America so that Lindsey could deposit a check.  As we entered, we saw a large window sign for a Hello Kitty designed bank card.  Lindsey, overcome with excitement and glee, proceeded to the teller counter to inquire about the card.  The teller told her that she could have the card issued at no charge for her personal checking subaccount…

Perhaps I should elaborate somewhat on the nature of her account at this point.  Last year, after I proposed, we decided to add a secondary checking and savings account to Lindsey’s general account at Bank of America.  This secondary account exists in both of our names.  As such, I have a Bank of America card for our joint account, which is under her account.

Where was I?  Ah,  yes; issuing the card.  Lindsey requested her personal checking card to be reissued with the Hello Kitty design, however, it seems that Bank of America got a bit over zealous in issuing cards.  Two days ago, I brought the mail into the house, and noticed three similar envelopes, inside of which I could distinctly discern some type of card.  Two were addressed to Lindsey, and one, surprisingly, to myself.  I proceeded to open mine, and what, you may ask, was waiting within?

My very own Hello Kitty Bank of America bank card.

Awesome.

-Because I said so

So I came across the “Weird News” section of msnbc.com and laughter ensued. My first laugh was courtesy of a man being arrested for performing archaic dentistry out of his apartment. The real chuckler came from the great state of Alaska.

In Anchorage, there is a rather large snowman dubbed Snowzilla. He is an enormous 25 feet tall and comes with all of the traditional trimmings. Snowzilla was a tradition, dating three years back, by the Powers family and started off being only 16 feet tall. Billy Powers and his seven children would get the snow from the neighbors’ yards to make him large enough and each year he got bigger. The Powers neighbors’ weren’t so thrilled by all of the attention Snowzilla brought to the neighborhood so they threw a bitch fit. City officials deemed Snowzilla to be a public nuisance and a safety hazard this year and the Powers’ were issued a public notice. Their reasoning behind it was because the snowman itself “increased traffic to the point of endangerment” and that “the snowman itself was dangerous.”

Snowzilla wasn’t scheduled to make an appearance this year on the Powers’ property, but they woke up one morning to the surprise. Powers’ claims to not know how he got there and expects action to be taken against him now that Christmas has passed.

Last time I checked, Christmas was supposed to be a time for people to celebrate and have fun. The Anchorage city officials sound like they need to seriously chill out (bad pun, I know) because to issue a cease-and-desist order is pretty fucking stupid. It isn’t going to come alive and attack the village. Just because it has “zilla” in the title doesn’t mean that Mothra is going to appear to start a huge battle. He isn’t going to slip the children heroin in their stockings or mug little old ladies for their crocheted pot holders.  It’s a snowman. A simple, innocent, made for the holidays snowman.

Are we running out of laws to such an extent that we feel the need to attack inanimate objects? If so, I’m packing my bags and shipping myself off to Canada. At least they will appreciate the glory that is Snowzilla.

For full article, http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28378976/

- She Who Has The Last Word